Buckle up fella's, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Baptizin' and Fishin' Bait

The spirit is still with us. After Janice's scare from the baptizin' the other night, she decided that to really be blessed by the spirit was to have a for real baptizin' like normal. So after preacher spoke last Sunday mornin' the entire congregation of 37 people walked down to the ol' Johnson swimmin' hole. What a glorious site. We all sang the hymn 'As We Gather By the River' on the way. After preacher cut a hole in the ice, preacher and Janice got in the creek. Janice said that the spirit touched her so much she didn't feel a thing from the cold. Wyatt said is was cause she had gone numb. Either way it was real moving.

On the way back to church for a fellowship,(My sister Carlene made her infamous mayo banana dip casserole for the occasion, but real fancy with marshashino cherries). I couldn't find Wyatt and his brother Whit. But I soon found out they had decided to put the hole that paster made in the river to good use and go fishin'. Don't need to tell you we had a great fish fry that afternoon. Since everyone had a touch of the flu from the baptizin', we had lots of Carlene's dish left over to go with it.

We're all still glad that Janice had a change from the holy spirit. Unfortunately, she thought preacher had said bring the spirits to the baptizin' and brought a bottle of stag. It bursted when she fell down on the way back to church, so she didn't get drunk like last time at church when she admitted to the congregation that she had seen a figure of Jesus at the bottom of a box of maccaroni and cheese. She didn't splain that she had made 'em after a long night of drinkin' with Benny Hillgarten at the 'Iron Nickle'. Anyway, she was carryin' my neice Minertia when it happened. But that's when we knew the spirit was really with Janice, despite the lie about the figure of jesus in maccaroni. Cause when Minertia landed on her head the Lord touched her. Not the way the doctor's say she was touched, but touched by the Lord this time. Cause when she got up she started speakin' again. After her run in with a possum in Evvy Lynn Maynard's backyard back 2 summers ago she stopped talking scared her so bad. Never been the same since. Until the baptizin'. Praise the spirit.

Well, must go now. I promised Wyatt that I'd cut his hair tonight for our pictures at Sears next week.


Sunday, February 19, 2006

Tax Returns

I got my tax returns just the other day. What a blessing. I ran all the way to the bank. Really, I ran. My car broke down and I had to cash the check. My partime jobs at the 'Iron Nickle' and 'Velma's Bakery and Shoe Repair' paid off. I decided to put the money to good use and buy a reliable car. That and a new hair style. My cousin Ruby owner of the only beauty shop in town, The Split End, did my hair for a big discount. I got a pink rinse to hide the grey. My sister Vurlene said it almost matches her drapes, it is that pretty!

When I get paid next week, I am going to take the donut off of my car and get a real one. Vurlene let me have her portable radio to strap to the dash board so I can listen to my Patula Clark tapes. Wyatt is going to tighten the coat hanger holding the hood down so it won't fly up when I'm a driving again. On the way to the Cooter Pharmacy,Tanning and DMV the hood flew up and I couldn't see that I was headed straight for Eula Turbin's pet pot belly pig. She wasn't too upset though cause that pig just 'bout ate her out of house and home. She said that now she won't have to pay Walter Cunnings for another hog next month, she'll have plenty of hog jowl and bacon for while.

When I turn the blinker on to turn right the heater turns off and the headlights dim. Also, the gas guage doesn't work, but I just use a long yard stick to make sure I don't go empty. Well, Wyatt said Janice is on the phone for me. She probably needs a ride to the video store to take back the workout videos she's been watchin. She's on a new pot pie diet she read about in the Southeast Missouri Woman's Home Journal. She's already lost 12 pounds.



Saturday, February 18, 2006

Cooter Real Estate

I am so proud of Janice and Whit. Now that Janice has found the Lord and Whit has forgiven her for sleepin' around with honkey tonkers they decided it was time for a new start. So they decided to buy a new home. It is so lovely and comfy. Lot of extras like a lot of free tv channels and a patio set and a fenced in yard. I am so jealous. And with that bubble everyone's been talkin' about, I am surprised at how good of a deal they got before it busted. Why, just last week the last two pads in our trailer park were sold. We had a neighborhood party to celebrate but it turned ugly. Of course Witten Whitfield and Woodard Watson got into another fight about who had the most mobile home. They both claim that they can hitch off their homes and haul 'em off faster than the other. It never ends pretty and the sheriff had to get involved. Let's just say that before it was over Peter Peterone had to call a fire truck, the pastor and the local butcher before it was over (you don't want to know, trust me). All I know is thank the good Lord that Peter had one of them new celluloid phones to call the police real quick like.

Well, Janet is lucky her home is stable, it ain't goin' anywhere I don't believe. I so envy her. Its kinda like an episode I saw once about lives of the rich and infamous. This lady had to stop touring for her country band because she had this rare condition that made her have seizures when she was around too many electric wires or gas fumes. Anyway, she ended up not being able to travel on the bus no more and had to move into her own home. 'Cept her house was much bigger than Janice's. After the purchase of the house, we went to the Iron Nickle for a drank to celebrate. We would have invited my sister, Arlene, but she's breast feedin' now so we didn't call her.

Only other good news is that the fish farm said that due to how cold it has been and all, Whit doesn't have to work tomorrow, so after church he is going to fix Janice's transmission.


Friday, February 17, 2006

Bless the Holy Spirit!

Praise Jesus. This is all I can say today, is Praise the Lord. My sister- in-law, Janice, and I went to our ‘Cabin Fever for the Lord’ mid-Winter revival last night at the Greater Holy Water of Jesus Congregational Church of Cooter. It was like manna came down from heaven in that little double wide off of Parkston Lane. (Our previous church burned down when the pastor’s wife,Helen, forgot to turn off 2 of the 8 crock pots from one of our socials). So now we have a double wide. We were sceptical at first, but when we realized that we could convert the master bathroom hot tub into a baptismal, we got really excited.

Janice’s carborator on her station wagon is out again, Wyatt will fix it next weekend, so we had to take my truck. Luckily Billy-Robert had cashed in some soda cans so we had a few dollars for gas and for the offerin’ plate. Well when we got to the church I could see the spirit get into Janice right away. Ever since she had an affair with a sinner from Kentucky she hasn’t been in touch with the Lord. Until last night anyway. She repented for leaving Whit, my husband’s brother, for that snake of a man from KY. Preacher tripped during the baptism and accidentally turned on the hot tub motor. Bubbles went everywhere. Well Janice didn’t understand what was happening and thought it was the spirit touching her in the water, then she began speakin’ in toungues until she realized we didn’t believe in that no more. Afterwards, Helen played ‘As we Gather By the River’ on her synthisizer that she got for Christmas, it was so moving. Then we all headed to the fellowship hall, well the kitchen actually, and broke bread. Well that and Sister Evelyn’s favorite casserole dish. I later learned that she took money out of the offering plate to cover the cost of the dish. She said it happened on the Lord’s turf and he was liable for the damages. Help me say a prayer for her.

Since then the Lord has been good to Janice. On our way home she won $23 with a lottery ticket she bought at Cooter Spirits and Tobacco Liquor Store.

Praise the Lord,


Thursday, February 16, 2006

This is amazin'

I just can't believe it. I told Wyatt (my husband) that I could get my very own page on the intra net. He just didn't believe me. But here it is. I feel so diversified now. It's just fabulous. And I made my page pink. I never knew that I could pick my favorite colour (I spell colour with a u like the Europeans do , it is so sophisticated). Any way, I wish I could make it more glamorous with like diamonds. They are so glamorous.

My children, Crystal, Jake, Anastacia, Brandy, Wyatt Jr., Billy-Robert, Tammy Jo and Raymond-Ray say I give good advice on so many subjects. They say I'm really diverse and dinamic so I always like to give free advice to all my friends. And, well, since I have never met a stranger, y'all are my friends. So feel free to ask me advice, even about relations. I just love to give advice. Specially about recipes. I love to cook, even fancy dinners like rich people. But they don't cook 'em like I do cause they've got mades for that so I pretend that I am fixin' dinner for Joan Collins. Keep an eye out for my recipes. I hope to hear from ya really soon.